Bye-Bye Baby Blue

There are very few times that I can say that I felt actual pride in making a purchase. I mean I've been giddy, elated, shocked (over a deal or lack there of) but proud is a special feeling when making a purchase.

That pride is now sorrow three years later when it is time to finally toss that one item. What, you are asking at this point, the hell is she blathering on about?

It is best I show you rather than tell you. Words cannot express...

Yeppers. That brilliant blue bra is the reason for my pride. When I bought it I was wearing old lady bras, white and beige, straps two fingers (or more) wide and in the ugly/overdone size of 38DD. That blue beauty you are looking at is neither white or beige, it has two hooks in the back and the straps are thinner than any strap that had graced my shoulder since I started wearing an C cup in the sixth or seventh grade and this baby is a 36F.

Until I asked for help that day I didn't know that Fs existed. Heck I didn't know that J or M existed beyond what I had seen on Oprah, and I've never been on Oprah. And the day I bought this bra was the day I grew up. I could buy pretty things for the first time, it's a big deal. A big deal.

And now I must say goodbye. The underwire finally busted through and it causes me physical pain to wear it. I'd keep it a bit longer, maybe sew the underwire back in one more time, but I have too much stuff. I need a few new bras but I must get rid of two things before I can get another.

I'll miss you blue bra.

I apologize for any rambling or circular bumbling. 

'Tis the Season

Today is laundry day and I am wearing clean jeans and a decent looking non-t-shirt. It's sort of a disgrace that I can manage clean clothes after the pile of dirties that was waist high, let alone jeans and a shirt I wouldn't be afraid of going out in public in. And even then we're not even considering the bag of dry cleaning waiting to visit the cleaners.

It is safe to say I have too many clothes.

I can't make excuses for it. I love buying new clothes, making new outfits and the all around having of stuff.

I love the stuff part of it but it's getting out of control. I mean seriously  I just bought a dress for a holiday party and while I am super excited about the dress I'm super excited to do the shopping to get the necessary "stuff" to make the outfit complete.

I bought the shoes (on sale!) and earrings, bangles and a cocktail ring to pull the whole thing together. Silver and gold and the prettiest of cobalts. All to go with my 40s style  dress with a bit of a modern twist. 

Then I got home. 

For the first time I am suffering buyers remorse, and not the "I'm so broke I shouldn't have done that" buyers remorse, more the I have plenty of crap that will match the dress kind of buyers remorse. I don't get this! What happened to the liking of the stuff? 

Who the hell am I?

Since it is now the season of intense materialism I have decided to rebel...no I haven't I will still be buying presents for people, though I'm going to try to buy less crap and more things that will be used or enjoyed. And I'm not saying everyone is getting cookies in a reused cardboard box but you know something along those lines.

If you have any ideas let me know! I'll be at the mall returning crap.

Let's try this again.

Hello there. It has been a terribly long time since I have sat down to write something that isn't in one of my little notebooks in my purse, of which I now have three in various sizes. It's beginning to look like not writing is part of a very ugly place of just existing and just existing is not a particularly fun way to be so I shall start anew and make an attempt to live in a more lively fashion.

But do not expect me to write Mondays, at least not until the summer, because Mondays after work I spend an hour trying not to cry because my dog won't listen to me at obedience classes.

And Tuesdays are for Kickboxing (because I go, like, once every three months!).

You see how easy this is to neglect and I'm sitting in front of the computer typing. It is so easy to procrastinate that I must stop.

Also I should probably work a bit harder to get my own computer.

Lost is lost is lost is good

Yesterday I spent my lunch break typing my bum off in a glorious post about the real world and being 24. It was a beautifully focused study of how these two thing mesh and then I walked away from my phone and came back to a blank screen, I figured it had saved itself and I could continue my rant later, but alas it is gone. And while it was pretty spectacular, it was a sort of positive look at the negative. In essence it was negative. So it may be a good thing it is gone. Maybe.

Growing while shrinking

It seems that I am always on a diet. And it seems that way because I am always on a diet. I am turning into one of the few people in the world that I truly dislike, my grandmother.

Her story is a diet story from hell dotted with a bunch of size 6s, a stapled stomach and Bulimia. This year she will turn 70 and the gorge and vom is still on and yet she's ballsy enough to criticize my sisters and me.

Alas I have come to the conclusion that happiness is more than svelteness, but health and happiness are not correlated, unless we're discussing mental health and that my friends is a whole other story. So I am seeking health and happiness in separate ventures. A diet and an attempt at adventures.

The diet is one week in and everyone is saying they can see the difference. My family is convinced that my boobs have shrunk to normal people size but I'm skeptical, wearing bras that fit sometimes creates that illusion. My sister mentioned to beginnings of a six pack and I would like to personally squash that rumor right now, I had a six pack once, I was about 11 or 12, had recently reached my full height and was on the swim team. I spent the whole summer biking to the playground because I live in the middle of nowhere and swings were the thing to do. How I will evaulate the progress of my diet I'm not really sure. I like the idea of a weekly weigh in type deal but those can also play a mental game. So we'll see.

As far as adventures, that's slow going. I need cash flow, I'm already bored sick with my lateral move and am spending way too much money on gas to get to said job, so my first adventure of the year is to fight for the opportunity to get out of it. I am applying to everything again. I want to travel. I need to travel. So I will. But when and to where is tough.

I need this year to be a year of change and growth. I need one of Oprah's Ah-ha moments because I can actually, physically feel my brain rotting.

I need to write. So I will write. I need to read. So I will read and not just the same authors I've been reading but I will branch out again and see what I can find. I need new shoes, this isn't a personal growth thing, mostly the dog destroyed about seven pairs, including the three pairs of black shoes that I wear/wore nearly everyday.

Give me ideas, I need to join things and do things. Help me here!

New Year's Resolutions

We've discussed my resolutions so let us now discuss yours. But first, if you'll excuse the expletive, put some fucking clothes on! Yeah, I know, this is the year you are going to shape up, lose that baby fat that's been clinging to your for, well, your entire life. Kudos to you, you will be happier and healthier and maybe some man will want to see you naked once you've become this new toned you. But you aren't her yet. And I sure as hell am not that man! Lotion up in a towel. Wrap the towel around your chest like a woman, which I assume you are be aus you've been hanging around the woman's locker room with your tits out with a towel around your waist. And as I dress as discreetly as Gumpossible why do you feel the needs to completely nude-up and slather your self up? This is not your home this is a locker room, you know, semi-public space without curtains and doors and the like. Cover up. I'm sure by now anyone who knows me or has read this blog is tired of my sort-of-homophobic anti-locker-room-exhibitionist rants. I know I am. So remember: if you can't stand to look at it in the mirror, don't make me look at it Which reminds me of a text message my former bossman sent me Sunday last. The context being the flamboyant man in the white spandex shorts, aided in its concealment efforts by an over the shorts thong. The texted expressed both shock and horror, not at the fact that this man was dressed in such an oddly outdated way but horror at how unfit the man's bum looked in his shorts. Spandex thong man, my previous expletive exclamation applies to you too.

A New Year

Ok, so I've been away from the computer and sort of keep promising to come back to blogging and such but since the arrival of my iPhone I have yet to get around to it.

Here I am. It is a new year and as of today I am in a new position that only deepens my fear of being stuck in a static position for the rest of my life, so I have a New Year's resolution. Yeah, you thought I was going to tell you about it, and I will, but first let's examine what I'm not doing well in my life.

1. Living. It's sadly a simple thing that I have forgotten to do. Yes occasionally I spring to live for half a minute or so, but it's brief and infrequent at best.

2. Having a social life. This is something I need to work harder on, I live too far out of the way (a whole separate issue that shall not be addressed), I let work get in my way, I let fatigue get in the way and I let money, or lack there of, stop me from having fun.

3. Owning black and grey clothes, but not just some, all. You don't think this is a problem? It is, I don't look good in black or grey, I don't feel pretty in most black and grey and once my delightful friend Logan once babbled on about the awesome peppiness of Katy Perry's wardrobe. While candy colors are not in my future, color is.

These three things lead to a long list of things I need to do.

1. Move
2. Move
3. Find a newer job
4. Move
5. Have adventures
6. Buy clothes that don't require a name tag be attached to them
7. Buy shoes that are fun
8. Have adventures
9. Find a newer job
10. Move

You can see my priorities are fairly clear at this point. I am setting goals. I am reworking my life. I am freaking out over said goals and reworkings, but I thrive in change and it's become obvious that stagnation is setting in.

So now that you've seen my priorities you want to know what my New Year's plan of action is going to be? I agree, it is time!

Resolution: Live

Action Plan:

• Find that new job if it kills me, or if I have to kill to get it. Unpaid side work, will not be disqualified.
• Save all of the money possible.
• June. June is when I'm moving. Where doesn't matter.
• I will go to concerts and try new things, companionship be damned! If no one can go with me I'll just have to  go by myself. 
• I will write.
• I will travel, even if it is to basically nowhere to sit in a friend's apartment for the weekend, if it's away from home I'll do it.

So it is written, so it is done.




On a side note, I like so many others decided to start a diet today. I'm starving, but we'll see how this goes.


Weight loss goal: 50 lbs


You've never seen me that thin, I have, it's pretty awesome.