The preggos are out in abundance and yet pregnancy is a very interesting topic, to everyone. I find it amusing when you run into people who run up to a big belly cooing and rubbing it, I find it infintantely more amusing when it happens and the belly is not a pregnant one.
(It hasn't happened in a while so next time you seem me attach a fat person. P.S. Don't do it to me.)
Sunday, October 31, 2010
The Insult of a Mean Girl
Today at dinner we were discussing Cialis or something and somehow the insults started slinging. They went as follows:
Its frightening to think these are the things my sister uses against her friends, I like to use "ball sack" in place of penis in the first insult but apparently that is "crossing a line." Penis ok, balls not ok. Poop ok, wondering how you ended up covered in poop not ok (this is an actual fear my younger sister has, when she is home from school we have to waste the water to was the undergarments separately).
Please Note: My parents don't have sex, with each other, so I'm not sure how disturbing the last one is for 15/16 year-olds who live with parents who are still married.
You came from your dad's penis.I'm not sure which is the most disturbing. It was a big step up from the usual "Your Mom" which inevitably turns into "Your mom's penis."
You have a teaspoon of poop on your clothing.
Your parents still have sex.
Its frightening to think these are the things my sister uses against her friends, I like to use "ball sack" in place of penis in the first insult but apparently that is "crossing a line." Penis ok, balls not ok. Poop ok, wondering how you ended up covered in poop not ok (this is an actual fear my younger sister has, when she is home from school we have to waste the water to was the undergarments separately).
Please Note: My parents don't have sex, with each other, so I'm not sure how disturbing the last one is for 15/16 year-olds who live with parents who are still married.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Customer Quote of the Day
Today while working I had a strange yet meaningful encounter with a stranger. I'll set it up for you.
Standing behind my register I was approached by a woman buying a scarf and her male counterpart. The woman looked normal, the man was wearing khakis, a red fleece jacket, women's tortoise shell sunglasses and an almost authentic looking camo cap. The encounter started out normal then turned wonderful when he asked me if he could ask a question. I allowed and out of his mouth popped:
Though I do know what a Five Guys is, and where it is, in cities all over Virginia. Just not in Leesburg or its neighboring towns.
Standing behind my register I was approached by a woman buying a scarf and her male counterpart. The woman looked normal, the man was wearing khakis, a red fleece jacket, women's tortoise shell sunglasses and an almost authentic looking camo cap. The encounter started out normal then turned wonderful when he asked me if he could ask a question. I allowed and out of his mouth popped:
Do you know a place around here where we can get burgers called Five Guys?The question is, indeed, formatted very oddly. I know places to get burgers, I know places to get burgers near the store I work in, but I do not know places to get burgers near where I work called Five Guys.
Though I do know what a Five Guys is, and where it is, in cities all over Virginia. Just not in Leesburg or its neighboring towns.
Friday, October 29, 2010
If I Don't Make Sense
David Hasselhoff is singing right now and my brain is melting.
And my IQ just fell through the floor.
And my IQ just fell through the floor.
Communication: I Think I Minored in That
If you haven't noticed folks of my generation don't communicate well, at all. My friends and I talk, mostly in person, after countless texts and an ugly amount of back and forth, some confusion and cursing. We make a rare phone call to each other, usually at inappropriate hours of the day for not particularly good reasons.
Today I found out that even our backwards texting ways, our middle school speaking through other friends and the occasional email/wall post isn't enough. One of my friends failed to communicate something super important to any of his non-school friends. Those friends, including me, consider themselves too important to miss this type of thing. Not that our knowledge would make a difference in the events but because it was important to our friend.
Fuck, I received a message the other day from a friend complaining that his messages to another friend had gone unacknowledged, I had the same problem with that friend, for nearly a week. The unresponsive friend had a good reason, but we bitched and bitched and bitched at the dead silence we received in response to our hilarity.
Sorry for the assholery. Next time slap out a mass text or a two word email. We'll understand.
My uncommunicative friends and I, we do communicate with each other when need be.
Everyone has a friend they call when they're in a new relationship.
Everyone has a friend they call when they've had a rough week and need a drink.
Everyone has a friend they call when they're stranded after their car breaks down.
Everyone has a friend they call when they're using heroin, again.
And those calls always are answered.
As are the "Happy New Year," "Why the fuck didn't you give me a shout out on the radio?" "I'm so wasted" calls.
Oh and by the way, if you're using heroin ever seek help.
Today I found out that even our backwards texting ways, our middle school speaking through other friends and the occasional email/wall post isn't enough. One of my friends failed to communicate something super important to any of his non-school friends. Those friends, including me, consider themselves too important to miss this type of thing. Not that our knowledge would make a difference in the events but because it was important to our friend.
Fuck, I received a message the other day from a friend complaining that his messages to another friend had gone unacknowledged, I had the same problem with that friend, for nearly a week. The unresponsive friend had a good reason, but we bitched and bitched and bitched at the dead silence we received in response to our hilarity.
Sorry for the assholery. Next time slap out a mass text or a two word email. We'll understand.
My uncommunicative friends and I, we do communicate with each other when need be.
Everyone has a friend they call when they're in a new relationship.
Everyone has a friend they call when they've had a rough week and need a drink.
Everyone has a friend they call when they're stranded after their car breaks down.
Everyone has a friend they call when they're using heroin, again.
And those calls always are answered.
As are the "Happy New Year," "Why the fuck didn't you give me a shout out on the radio?" "I'm so wasted" calls.
Oh and by the way, if you're using heroin ever seek help.
SPELLING!
I would like to announce that my spelling is improving.
Thank you for your applause.
(Not one spelling error in this post!!!!)
Thank you for your applause.
(Not one spelling error in this post!!!!)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
A Drink or A Cry But I Can't Cry Over a Drink
I was super excited about taking that test. And after 10 months sans tests I knew I'd be rusty but I know tests. I had it, not in the bag, but I had it. So I got my results today, I missed passing by 12.6 points. Now I'm sitting here typing this drinking hot chocolate, I might cry. Not because I didn't pass, that happens sometimes but because right now not passing hurts too deep. I can't let it go, I need to get away and I can't.
I could have a drink, but drinking alone defeats the purpose in this case and I have to be at work at 7, as does my geographically nearest friend, all the others are too far away. I know that drinking is not the answer and let me assure you that I actually drink on a fairly rare basis these days. But drinking is a very social activity for me, not as in I need to drink to be social, but more drinking occurs and good times are had sometime between a beer and falling asleep on the floor of some friends parents' house (because at 23 most of us cannot find lucrative enough jobs to move out of our parents homes).
The upside is I have an interview for what seems to be a potentially awesome but is also part time and in Baltimore. If another person points out how far the drive is, I will gather up all the hair that is dropping out of my head and sprinkle it in their bed. My hair is fine, it's a disgusting feeling, and I'm potentially balding again.
Maybe a panic attack is a good way to go?
Or I should buy a sports car... I'd prefer a pony but ponies don't speak directly of mid-life crisises.
Someone figure my life out for me and let me know when you do, I'll be eternally greatful.
I could have a drink, but drinking alone defeats the purpose in this case and I have to be at work at 7, as does my geographically nearest friend, all the others are too far away. I know that drinking is not the answer and let me assure you that I actually drink on a fairly rare basis these days. But drinking is a very social activity for me, not as in I need to drink to be social, but more drinking occurs and good times are had sometime between a beer and falling asleep on the floor of some friends parents' house (because at 23 most of us cannot find lucrative enough jobs to move out of our parents homes).
The upside is I have an interview for what seems to be a potentially awesome but is also part time and in Baltimore. If another person points out how far the drive is, I will gather up all the hair that is dropping out of my head and sprinkle it in their bed. My hair is fine, it's a disgusting feeling, and I'm potentially balding again.
Maybe a panic attack is a good way to go?
Or I should buy a sports car... I'd prefer a pony but ponies don't speak directly of mid-life crisises.
Someone figure my life out for me and let me know when you do, I'll be eternally greatful.
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