Movie Time

I'm not sure that I'm in my right mind, I've pulled back from the crazies lately (partly because I quit my one job, and making decisions feels good) but I can still see them lingering, like a shadow in the periphery. I'm trying my best to focus on happy things, I even went to far as to explain to a woman that a week of rain and flooding is a good thing because it keeps the grass green, she said miserable too many times, and it was bringing me down.

Today I decided that after some super unsuccessful window shopping I'd grab a movie to watch and just enjoy the day. I watched Something Borrowed, that was a mistake. Movies are supposed to have happy endings, or at least American movies are, everyone is supposed to end up with the right person and the bad guys are supposed to end up alone. It didn't happen. Where is my catharsis? I need to know that the best friend who was in love ends up happy. Where is his justice? Yeah, he goes to London, and that would make me happy but he doesn't get his girl not even after being super patient.

I must move on. I must trust that the actor had a scheduling conflict because that best friend was better than the other guy who came across as the "bad guy" even when everyone was doing stupid things.

Maybe the problem with movies is that somehow every movie ends with you, the viewer, connected to a character. That's supposed to happen, you're supposed to relate to someone, but I always relate the the one who doesn't win. I'm Ben Affleck in The Company Men, I'm Annie in Bridesmaids, I'm Ethan in Something Borrowed (even the "I kind of love you, kind of" thing, I did that in London too, and I was also told "darn, too bad"). I don't care to be these characters, and yes, they do find something like peace or happiness, but they are defeated versions of themselves by the end of the movie and I'm hoping for something other than defeat.

Maybe Logan is right , I have to write a book. I have to create something out of the defeat I'm feeling. Or I have to accept it.
You don't need to know who Logan is, he's important in terms of this idea but becoming less and less important in the big picture. It's sad how friends fade.-