But Last Week Was Awesome?

I must say that I was flying high there for a while. Nothing ground breaking, I had a good birthday, I joined a new gym where the general manager insists there will be no need for gym fights (he doesn't know me well), and had a more or less awesomely unplanned visit with the old roomies from London, hell even the bad party experience was fun.

But this week, this week makes me want to strangle a caterpillar and then buy a hand gun to wear in my belt (if you didn't know, I'm super against guns, sorry Kat). Saturday started well, then I rushed the 120 miles to work so I could close the store from hell because outlet shoppers are also sloppy hags. I got home at 11 pm and had only eaten a sandwich all day so I had some peanuts and a shower and went to bed. Waking up at 5:45 the next morning my tummy was pissed about the peanuts and my hair was nearly as perturbed about the evening shower. But I went to work and worked form 7 am to 1pm then I drove home and showered again, had some chili ate way too much and pretended to nap. At 6pm I left for work again because we had a meeting (not all bad but it takes me a not particularly pleasant 45 minutes to drive to that horrid place.) I didn't get home until 11 again. After a very pleasant 5 or 6 mile walk this morning I started the laundry only to get a text message reminding me that I have to be at work at 5 this evening: funny story, this is the first I had heard of this. My schedule says that I am to work from 5:30pm to 2am not 5pm to 2am. Guess what- the laundry is not done! I have to leave in 45 minutes and I haven't even eaten lunch yet. Hip hip fucking hooray!

Now to go along with the whole work thing the holiday season is approaching. And in my old age I've grown tired of the Broken-Home-Christmas, guess what, I work retail which means Dad that I will work Christmas Eve so no I will not be making it to your house this year. Also to my boss: my mother works Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so yeah you will be giving me the 26th off because I too like the family holidays.

It has come to my attention that I am not the only person who feels this way about the holidays, I will be inviting these people to Thanksgiving. Wear jeans with elastic waist bands please I plan on making way too much stuffing again. Also after last year I shall refrain from carving the turkey until someone teaches me how. Mind you I have to be at work at 8:45 that evening so it will be fairly booze free, thank you for your cooperation and, yes, I know my job would be more fun drunk but I need it until something real comes along.

But wait we still have Halloween! A cushy buffer between now and Thanksgiving to find a party and drink a bit too much. Cheers to All Hallows Eve!

A Bit of Rude Goes a Long Way.

In recent times I have been working an interim job. I know ten months is a long interim, but I must stay positive or I will go against my mother's expressed command to "not take it out on my hair." This job means dealing with a lot of people and I've become that person who smiles when being talked to like I'm not worth the spit I get for doing everything I can to make the customer's day pleasant. While discussing this issue with a fellow interimer (not a word, but you get the idea) she mentioned she was so put out by how downright mean people can be. And they are.

Ok, don't gasp, you know that when you shop or go out for dinner any little thing that goes wrong gets blamed on the sales associate or the waiter. You, my friend, are an asshole.

Assholes of the world take it as a lesson: my favorite coping mechanism is rudeness.

Its a taste of your own medicine and it works! Oh, how it works! You treat me poorly and I help you to the best of my abilities because it is my job. I will not smile, I will not be chipper, I will not offer an opinion as to whether or not the outfit suits you and I will not help you complete a look that will get you the job, win you the promotion or get the guy. I will tell you that the shirt is, indeed, not on sale and no, we don't have it another size. Then I walk away. You're even more pissed now. But I still win- How about I save you 30% (ha ha its not) by opening a credit card and ruining your already ruined credit?

Ok, so I'm not really as excited about this as I should be. I've had a good evening. Thank you and good night.

Too Long

Let it be known that I have been commanded to take up the blog again. Mighty pen (ha ha whats that?) arise!

I promise that I shall write more frequently and with vigor and vim (or not I just wanted to say that all day and I didn't have an outlet).

Kristin- You must help me remember to write. Many thanks dear friend, now help help help me please!

What I Said and What I Meant: an Explination into the Situation Behind the Threat to Kick Me Out

With school ending for the summer, and for good, for many of my friends I am faced with the dilemma of a social life. I know what do I have to bitch about, I might get to have a drink or make an ass of myself in public, I should be happy as a pig in poo, and I am, don't think otherwise, but my social life comes with many strange happenings and many complications.

So I was telling my mom that one of my friends will be home tomorrow (yes I still live with my mom, I graduated six months ago what do you want from me??) and wants to hang out Friday. She was like "Well, tell said friend you can't, you have plans." And I do, plans to have drinks with former colleagues, one of whom my mother is convinced I'll snag for a date (yeah that maybe be partially my fault, I said I liked him, and we'll get married and have babies and that'd be alright with me.) but I barely know him, and am socially retarded, boys make me have to dropsies and make me lose words, and words are my thing... (or they were but since I'm back to working a job that a retarded handless monkey could do, I my vocabulary is shrinking and my already horrendous spelling is turning putrid at any attempt).

After I left my mom downstairs for a little while she called my sister and I down to get a few things to take upstairs (I'm still only 3 years old some days) and then tattled to my sister that I was in a bad mood because "Said friend asked Megan out Friday but she has plans." Not the case, and in my super genius state of pissed offness I said:

I'm not mad because of that. I'm mad because you keep telling me what to do and I am perfectly capable of ruining a friendship on my own thank you.

Which is true but silly me she threatened to kick me out for being disrespectful.

I want you to know that I don't enjoy sticking my foot in my mouth, but I continue to do it because at the end of the day people have to know that I am not going to sit by and take whatever I am given (that goes for you Louis Ceroni of Hamilton, I know who you are and where you live, who your kids are and where they go to school, I know where you go to church and where you work, and I suspect your wife either make more money than you or uses toys to get off because you're not good enough- if I'm wrong you need to find a better reason to be an asshole, asshole.

And about the friendship I'm perfectly capable of destroying on my own, I've been working at it for five years, I've perfected the art of cutting my nose of to spite my face and pining over someone who doesn't and probably won't ever want me. So maybe she has a point, bending over backwards for him might not be the best idea, but I'm sinking in a deep hole right now and I'm more than looking forward to the week of mind games that is about to unfold. I never intended to give up my other plans to spend time with him. But I'm not going to tell him we're going to hang out then go out and call him later and be like woops sorry forgot. Its mean, which works for me right now, I'm tired of the whole situation but being mean won't wind the heart of the stupid boy who is my friend.

Neither will being homeless.

Thank You Postmodernism

Given the current situation its tough to say when this whole spinning out of control is going to finish up. For me, quite frankly, spinning is a natural state, but when everyone is sitting around staring at their hands wondering I can’t stand being a part of it. I don’t like idleness and I don’t like loneliness but it looks like in the last 50 years we, myself included, have become solitary sloth. I am at a computer. I can hear people around me, I know for a fact that there are at least four people within spitting distance but I haven’t said a word to three of them all day, I don’t even know one of them by name or even recognize her as we pass in the hall. She sits closest to me, of course.

The situation I’m talking about is the world economy. I don’t have a real job at the moment. I work between 60 and 70 hours a week but I’m pretty sure I’m still living below the poverty line, which while living in the richest county in America is not all that much fun. Looking for a real job has me terrified, I’m not qualified enough for anything, or so I’m convinced. But part of my fear is my appearance, if my totally alright academic background and my long history and retail won’t scare potential job opportunities off, my size 12 pants and flat hair might. We won’t even talk about how cruel stress is to my skin. They— as elusive as they are— are always reminding us that appearance do matter, but how many 300 pound unbathed slobs are there applying for the same jobs as me?

So I’ve decided. I’m going to beat them at their game and become a size 6. My hair will fall victim to some product or another before I chop it all off at some point but by Jan. 1, 2011, I’m going to be able to put a pair of size 6 jeans on and walk in them.

I’m also going to start dating people (guys, to be clear, but if I say “I’m going to start dating men” it sounds like I’ve been dating women). Who and when are still up in the air. I highly doubt my work schedule will make this quest any easier but I’m going for it (and I’m thinking decision 1 will probably help here).

And yes I’m being reactionary. But if you think about it both are going to be positive changes. I’m not entirely happy about putting clothes on at the moment so that change has been a while coming and pining after someone who supposedly cares for me but forgets to talk to me has to stop.

I hereby declare that this year things are going to be different.

Fuck you college graduation for screwing with the grand plan!

A Quick Thought.

I don't understand what's going on but I'm going with it. Maybe later I'll link the podcast— not that its going to be all that exciting, at least not to non-aeroplane buffs such as myself.

And my nose hurts very badly.

The Lunch Hour Computer Time

I don't spend that much time on the computer surfing and what not, but during my lunch hour I'm not sure what else to do. Today I learned a few things, I should have made college drag on as long as possible (second degree anyone?) and, relating back to that, there aren't that many jobs to be had just floating around waiting for me to find and snatch up (I also learned that one of the girls I went to high school with is getting married over spring break, and that Martha Stewart is vying for Oprah's spot as world dominator but that's fairly irrelevant).

I'm a bit sick thinking about this right now, the job thing not the wedding or the almighty Martha, my internship is up in about three weeks and then its back to the Ann Taylor* for a bit. I might not make it. I need real life stimulation and sizing racks and doing send sales just don't cut it.

I'm very aware that my financial situation will not hold if I don't find a real job real soon, I mean my three jobs combined last year didn't even make me $10,000, not even close actually but there is enough money out there with my name on it that I don't get a tax refund this year... thanks again Ann Taylor*, Bitch.

But mind and money aside I need a job for another reason, and this one is not the usual: I'm stagnating. I live with my mom, in a room that is not my own, I drive a car every day to and from work and between my two jobs. I go to a gym where I'm sure any second I'm going to raped or murdered by the creeps that work out there. I don't have a social life because I'm working seven days a week and three or four of those days are 14 or so hours long, not to mention my friends are still in school. I could make new friends, yes, but that would me branching out past working every Friday and Saturday night like that's the kind of life I want to live.

I have considered other options, Peace Corps and missionary work and such but I'm not cool enough or crazy enough for either respectively. I can't afford to go back to school, I can't go back to London because my U.S. passport hinders the job search. And I'm not fit enough to strip.

What do I do with my life?

And Lunch is over.

*Ann Taylor doesn't like the use of the company's name in the social networking/new media world. But Ann Taylor can suck it because when they were trying to keep their heads above water during this here financial crisis they cut my pay by $2 an hour. I'm sorry Ann Taylor but if you want me to respect the company online the company could work a little bit harder to respect me. Suck it.