Physics

Last week I was attempting to study for a physics test. You need to know that studying is not my talent, I avoid it like the plague. But since I haven't taken a science class since high school I figured staring at formulas and trying to remember if kg to N is times 10 or divided by 10 (none of which will be important after May).

I started from the begining...
Page 1 mostly notes about the syllabus.
Page 2 again syllabus notes and a note to write a paper about DHMO (its water don't get all that excited).
Page 3 my serious notes begin, formulas for acceleration and something about psuedoscience (I should have paid more attention to that because the man is a wanker and half the test was about psuedoschience) followed by more formulas and doodles for the next 2 or 3 pages.
Page 5 (or 6) "This man is an atheist."
Page 7 "Didn't he wear that sweater last class?"
Page 8 "He wears that sweater every day" formulas for net force and "why does he hate God so?"

I write about six pages of notes a week for my physics class. Each week four of those six pages are dedicated to commenting on my professors attempts at humor, his attire and his hatred of all things not related to science.

I try to be colorful to make up for his crustiness but each of my attempts have fallen short, that paper I had to write about DHMO was filled with silly quips and notes about my observations about the modern marriage (the website brought it up) but I didn't get full credit because my paper was supposed to say "Yes. Water." I wasn't so explicit. I think that there is plenty of fun to be had when writing a paper for phyics class. I think that there is plenty of fun to be had in physics class (its filled with athletes I love when they ask questions) I was taking hints at bad humor from the man who started his lecutres at "Chapter 0."

What I have learned in physics is (and its important, these lessons are not just for me)

1. Fun is only for professors.
2. Gravity is ok when its rounded.
3. The moon is made of green cheese.
4. God doesn't exist, physics does.
5. You can't believe in both.
6. You're stupid if you think in lbs and not kg even if you are American.
7. You're stupid if you use a calculator.
8. You can wear your pants lopsided, higher on the right than the left (there has yet to be an explanation in terms of physics as to how this happens)
9. I should have left science in high school.

Personal Problems

Of late, I know that sounds pretentious but I like it so let it slide, I've been in a state of melancholy. Maybe its the weather and the fact that I can't button the top button of my coat or maybe its the daunting sense that I don't have a job any longer. I'm going to venture that the cause of all my personal problems come from something a little less tangible. 

Fear.

I'm graduating in less than a year. Stop congratulating me. I have no idea why the hell I was so ambitious, it would be easier to fear my failure with everyone I graduated high school with. It would be even easier to take that fifth year to fuck around a little bit more but alas I have committed to the three and a half year plan and am thinking of running away from life because of it. 

To complicate all of this self loathing and panic I have spent the last year suffering rejection, I didn't get a promotion because I go to school too far away (I want you to know that the kid they hired instead of promoting me lives 3 hours from that job where as I am only 2 and I worked for the manager for nearly 4 year. I'm still pissed), I didn't get a job because I had two other jobs (neither would have interfered schedule wise, but now I know that lying isn't a bad thing at interviews) I didn't get an internship because of my GPA (next time you get 91 credits in two and half years while attempting to have a life and trying to work some of the time and keep a 2.848 over all GPA then tell me I should have had a 3.5). Last week I found out that the job I had for breaks, the one I was counting on for spring break in two weeks, is no longer mine for the having. I have been replaced by three others (my feelings shouldn't be hurt but they are, the people who replaced are fucking too old and over qualified, you need to take your fucking Marine Bio degree and do something other than scan gyno charts). 

When I graduate in December I will be 1 class short of a communications minor, have a concentration in British Literature that I won't tell anyone about because in the end it won't help, and be 1 class short of a concentration in creative writing (I took the class, got the A and then transferred and lost the three credits because it was a general creative writing class and there is nothing similar enough at my current school).

I think there should be less pressure to get Adderall induced 3.5s and 4s. I've learned plenty in college though I've missed the mark I think. I've dreamed too big and been too optimistic. Maybe I should have tried for grad school. 

What I've learned in college thus far is that I'm not enough. And it scars the hell out of me.