Want to get a Drink? Otherwise known as The Dating Boomerang

Living with one's mother and working two jobs isn't really great for the social life and all. So how does a boomerang date?

It's an experiment I've actually decided to try.

A few months ago my mother decided to try her hand at online dating. She so enjoyed the attention that she suggested I try it. I used her match.com profile to see who happened to be trying the online thing in my area. I found tons of "eligible" bachelors in my age group, a bit of research showed that all of the folks on the internet are one of two things: Creepers and Gingers*.

It didn't take long for my mom to tire of her experience and offered up the end of her subscription to me. I took a look again. Still creepers and gingers, only this time I saw a familiar face. It was the brother of a guy I hung out with in high school and later dated briefly in college, newly divorced and looking. That sealed it. The internet is not for me.

My friends offered to set me up with someone, I agreed, but said blind date has yet to occur. I've been promised to meet this fellow no later than my fiends' wedding. And I look forward to meeting him and all but I am slowly ageing every day.

I go to the gym as a means of meeting people. I also do it for health and fitness reasons, which in someways makes the meeting people thing harder.

Everyone has suggestions. Everyone has solutions to the dating thing. And now I'm interested in a guy. And thats normal and all but everyone has suggestions ideas of how to make this work, not that it isn't working itself out. This guy and I, sort of. It's tricky but then again people my age don't really date well so tricky is ok. My favorite advice, other than I need to get over myself, was from my younger sister. She said, "Don't be too serious. You're still young." It is ironic advice. But good advice nonetheless.

Trial one (?) of this experiment is a go.

*Sorry Ginger friends, not a fan. I have enough sunburn in my life as it is.

Cats: Who thought that was a good idea?

Yeah, I'm actually questioning an entire genius of animals. What of it?

So my sister has this cat. It lives at my mother's house with me. He is named Baby. Sure, I'll repeat that, his name is Baby. Which might have given him a bit of a complex. But I can't say for sure. He is useless for hunting, he thinks its amusing to rip my arm to shreds and open my door in a creepy, squeaky fashion while I'm trying to sleep. He takes up a good bunch of the bed which isn't big enough for me let alone him.

He loves to go outside, but only if it is warm and the sun is shining and he doesn't have to touch the door jam and there aren't any bugs near the door frame. Last night he was crying, it sounds much like a dying fox, to go outside after dark. So to shut him up I let him out. He wouldn't come back in when I called.

So we're just hanging out upstairs in the house and my sister barges out of her room cursing the noise the cat is making only to discover the retard cat has found another cat and they're fighting. Or at least they think they're fighting. Baby is making lots of noise and jumping straight up in the air. The grey cat who hangs out on a regular basis is also making noise. But it's dark and there isn't much scuttle. So we get a pot of water to throw on the stupid animals but the opening of the other door sends them running in fright. My mother rescued Baby, who just wanted picked up so he didn't have to use his legs. His tail was huge and once he was back in where he could use his litter box he was fine.

Today he's feisty though. His little adventure makes him want to fight and I'm not up for it. Won't use his teeth in battle but when I'm petting him he surely will.

Easter

Went to church this morning. Not that unusual of an activity as it were. But seeing as it is Easter, I gussied up and sat up straight while I listened to one of my least favorite priests (from a preaching perspective) blither on about the "other" Christians (hence my dislike).

There was a very nice family next to us, and the little girl from story time was there too. My entire pew was dressed up. The church other the other hand was filled with women in capri pants and men in jeans. I saw more than my fair share of tee shirts and an entire pew filled with girls in slutty dresses with converse high-tops in varying shades.

What happened to Easter dresses?

Friends and Circles in the Newspaper

I was reading an article in a newspaper that had a diagram of friendships and their influences based on iPhone and Android technology. The circles in the diagram showed that your closest friends don't have as much influence over you as the people you spend your time with. The circles got me thinking. And before you go and get worried that I've fallen into the hands of the crazies again cool it, I am writing this on a reflective note, I am neither angry nor sad.

But I was thinking. My close friends are not really in the vicinity any longer. Some of them never really were, we met in other places and in some cases our friendships are better for it. But my closest friends and I we're so spread that months and years pass without seeing each other. That upsets me a little but not as much as the fact that my close friends that live within ten miles of my mother's house don't have a better track record.

The lack of connection comes as no shock. As a generation of boomerangs we work too hard and drink too much spend the rest of the time we're not commuting and boozing working on finding real jobs in places far, far away. We are a generation of lost boys. We are aging. We can feel it, in our bones and in secret we talk about how it feels to be older. And after laughing it off we go home and cry about feeling old.

My friends and I, we avoid each other because as Logan said the other night "we always have the best plans" but we are mice and men if we are anything.

So I will plan some more. Maybe do a bit of traveling this summer but where I don't know.

Summer: The Season During Spring

Between the periodic rain storms and mild floods summer arrived (I know it's April but hey, I live in VA). Today while mowing the grass I was attached by my first tick. I now have a farmers tan though its not particularly severe for once. And, and this is the best part, I have a red neck.

Please don't confuse these things with actually being a Redneck which I am not. I do live in a relatively rural place though hence the mowing my own grass.

The other thing, the tick thing, doesn't bother me as much as it does you (you vommed when you read the word tick, I could sense it from in front of my computer). Ticks are disease carrying creatures that do indeed get a flush when I find them, but I'm not upset by them because I've invaded their habitats and mucked it up a bit.

Don't Lyme Disease at me, I've had my scare and expensive testing! Just know that other ticks also leave bullseye rashes. It's a pain in the ass but knowing whether or not you're going to suffer a long slow painful ailment or not is kind of nice.

You can take that as my endorsement for deet and a very high SPF.

Wait, Wait, What the Hell?

It is no secret that I'm a fan of Mumford and Sons. This occasionally turns into a bout of musical assault upon my other tellers. Ironic since it is some of the least offensive music out there (what's with old people and Rhianna and "S&M" they're always bringing it up and singing it then scoffing at the gentler music that I tend toward).

Then my friend Nora brought this to my attention:



And your thinking, not a bad song, and I tend to agree but then when you do a search of the song there is not mention of where the other voices are from...



Read an honor code much?

OH the Pain

So the domicile abuse we discussed recently, yeah that broken finger is causing typing to be super duper painful.

Tomorrow to the doctor, but for now, blog rest.

Domicile Abuse

 I am in an abusive relationship.

There I said it, it's out in the open. And I know the house loves me so I'm going to keep living here despite the bruises and broken bones. At least until I can find a house that loves me better. Though even then I'll probably keep coming back.

This isn't anything new. I keep making excuses, saying how it's my fault but really is it? That concussion, I said it was because I flipped my head while drying my hair. I might be blind and clumsy but the house uses this to its advantage.

The beatings have become more frequent of late. My elbow bruise hadn't even changed color before my finger was broken. My feet have bruises top and bottom from bottles of shampoo and bars of soap being tossed at me while I'm trying to bathe.

I'm not leaving. Not until it's bad. Bad is a broke fever or cancer or something.

If I don't make it give the sheep a kisses for me and the teddy bears too. You can have my shoes. I love you guys but I love the house too.

Deluge

I've been waiting to say deluge all day.

It just doesn't fall into conversation well in the company I keep on Tuesdays. But it deluge is the only word that can describe what I drove to work in. I was late, there was an accident and it took me nine minutes to get the next exit, 2ish miles, so that I could skip the traffic.

One hour to drive 21 miles in a deluge. I had to call my boss to tell her that people were retarded. She agreed and told me to hurry up because there was expletive to be done. 

So I waded through the river that is occasionally a parking lot and worked. The deluge ended during the time I worked today, which made my return commute much nicer.

A Lament for TOMS

I would like to invest in pair of fancy canvas shoes for the summer months. I don't ususally keep my feetsies covered when the weather is warm but I'm growing up and it occasionally rains so having a single pair of closed-toe summer shoes might be the adult thing for me to do.

I was investigating the TOMS website today at work, picking out just what fancy pattern I'd like to put on with my occasional shorts. I just happened to read the description as I was getting giddy about elephants and in happening to read I saved myself a little trouble but was blasted into instant heartbreak.

TOMS have latex arch supports.

And to be sure that these shoes would be life and death for me I contacted the customer service folks. And they as nice as they are confirmed that the shoes are not compatible with latex allergies. So I have to find Vans or Keds with elephants, unless of course they're also secretly latex filled, then I'll stab a bitch.

Disclaimer: Do not boycott TOMS on my behalf, they do good things.

Mouse Traps

I have this whole humane thing when it comes to animals, so the mice kind of roam free in the house (as long as they don't get in the food, that's gross). There have been some very interesting personalities this year among the mice and they are super cute to boot. Our latest visitor is a bold little mouse who stared at mother while she read in bed before exiting her room under her door and teasing the cat for a little bit and heading into my closet.

This isn't a big deal the mouse in the closet, the cat routing around my shoes, no biggy.

So I went to bed and slept and the cat came and went from my room several times. At 5:30 AM I woke up to something crawling up my back. It was that mouse. The cat was asleep at the foot of my bed growling in his sleep as he always does. The mouse was on my back, scampering around. The cat was asleep at the foot of my bed.

So, yeah, the cat and I aren't on speaking terms. I had to stand up to get the mouse off my back, strip my bed to make sure he wasn't hiding in my blankets and then try to sleep for another two hours in fear of another attack.

Someone want to trade me cats?

A Little Work Place Tension

Word on the street is the new teller at the bank I work at can feel the tension when she's working with either myself or the assistant manager. And, though I don't know if it would be better or not, she's not talking about sexual tension. She's talking about me spewing hate and him being intolerant.

On the spewing hate thing, I love the people I work with, we get along very well. Some of us have some added stress and it makes us grumpy (myself included, especially this week). So the grump thing is usually stewing in silence until it is interrupted. It isn't directed at anyone but most people notice it and either let it be or ask whats up, but this lady, she needs to take a chill. She screwed up 95% of what she had done and was cursing out loud at her computer, I ignored her mostly, cussing is one of those things that I find ok in conversation but rather offensive to be shouted for it's own sake. But after a while she's screwing up again so I help her, and when I'm done I'm rearranging her station so it's a bit easier for her to use, knowing full well she's coveting my station (sinner!).

 She just blurts out, "I feel like you're mad at me from last week." And after I've reassured her that I'm just dealing with some stress she keeps blabbing about how I'm mad at her. So yeah, in the end I'm mad at her, she's a smart cookie!

After the third teller shows up I leave to go to the bathroom or something and the new teller goes on about how tense the place is.

Bless the new teller's heart. By this point she's in a bad mood and refuses to be nice. While having a bit of lunch chat with the assistant manager she insists on talking over me (for the record plenty of adults who think I'm too young to know anything or have a valid opinion or curiosity enough to ask questions just talk over me) making herself feel bigger.

So I start the day spewing hate in her mind and end the day actually spewing hate. She's like a psychic!

In all honesty I think the problem lies with the age difference, I am the youngest person in our branch, the assistant manager is only a few years older than I am and the rest of the crowd are a bit closer in the 40s to 60s range. This particular teller sits at the top of that range and I think feels that the youngsters in the branch shouldn't be telling her what to do.


Also I insisted on buying concert tickets yesterday and told them I wouldn't be working for the ten-ish minutes it would take to do that. We had one costumer during that time and I refused to take it. Such a stick in the mud, at this point in my life I cannot live without live music and it is an expense so I have to be choosy. Had the tickets been less likely to sell out in minutes I would have helped, had there been more than one person that needed help I would have helped, but do not call me lazy when I am grasping for the few straws that keep me in my right head space, that could end in an ugly way.

Ticket Take Over

So my new game is to try and buy concert tickets before the shows I want to go to sell out. The sad thing is that I have to do this from my work computer and because I'm working I usually missed it by like 30 seconds and my life is over. Tomorrow I am determined to get this freaking tickets, I couldn't get Iron and Wine, I couldn't get Adele and I'm not telling you who I'm going to try to get tickets for or when the sale goes on but lets just say I missed the effing presale because my work computer got confused.

My heart is sad about this.

Tomorrow I'll beat the game.

PS My boss looks like the lead singer when you can't him at a distance in profile while kneeling and yelping like a dog when his hair is braided and his shoes are untied. (The first part is true but just in case you know my boss and the lead singer I'm talking about).

I want those effing tickets!

Phone Interview

Oh, hey my phone's ringing and it's a random number. Usually this isn't a gut-wrenching, nerve-shredding event unless you were expecting that call seven minutes ago and you are faking a personal appointment, sitting in a parking lot one away from the one your boss can see from her window and wishing that you weren't thinking of jokes that you can't tell people or wearing pantyhose in the car in the sun.

I did this all for a phone interview... I mean I was meeting with my dealer/gyno/priest (options not one person...or is it?). And what do I get for said sweat fest? Not drugs, a pap, or salvation, of course, but rather a bit of potential hope and an upset stomach.

This false hope thing is exhausting. I spent the last year hanging out with it (not to be confused with Hope who I have also spent the last year hanging out with but she is a proper noun) and its worn me down. So, they say, I'll call you or she'll call you. And I expect a call, silly me. So I check my email on my coworker's smarter phone, maybe she meant email when said call, it could happen. Nah, nada. So tomorrow I'll go to my job instead of a real live interview, all because I don't get inDesign (I'd assume).

I mean come on, I said things like adolescent and tutor and maybe confessed to transferring colleges. I didn't even visibly sweat. What else could have I have to done to impress these folks?

Twinsies!

My mother has the same shirt as me, hers is orange and mine is blue. I bought mine first. Today we are both wearing them and I'm wondering if I should change. But then again we're not hanging out so maybe I can keep it on. But then again she wants to go to the gym at the same time today so goodness no I must change.

Help. Help!

Haircut

Today I am going to get a haircut. I am excited and frightened. I'm going to have to go somewhere other than my usual place because I'm running low on fundage so thats the frightening thing. And last time I did that I cried for days, but getting my hair cut sometimes does that to me.

Wish me luck!

Thunder Thighs

I've got awesome legs. Short chubby awesome legs. I'm not claiming they're perfect, they'll never be asked to grace a runway or be asked to model shoes. My legs are my very one little thing and not conventionally attractive.

Today I was at the gym making my legs wonderful and was super frustrated with them. No, not my legs I supposed, rather I was frustrated with my shorts which kept grabbing my thighs and restricting my range of motion. I mean really shorts why must you stick to my legs so?

So to fix my short issues I'm going to plea with the people who make athletic shorts.

Dear Athletic Short Makers

Would you be so kind to make your leg opening in your shorts just a bit bigger?

Thanks!
Thunder Thighs

Pen and Ink

I don't have access to blogger at work.

I don't have access to a lot of things at work. But everyday I bring a little notebook and a nice inky pen and I write. I write a lot and not all of it is work its weight in anything but I'm writing. But by writing in the old fashioned way I am neglecting you a bit, I don't mean to, I just have been working a ton.

So I'll be back. Maybe I'll have a multipost day or something. But be patient.