Thank You Postmodernism

Given the current situation its tough to say when this whole spinning out of control is going to finish up. For me, quite frankly, spinning is a natural state, but when everyone is sitting around staring at their hands wondering I can’t stand being a part of it. I don’t like idleness and I don’t like loneliness but it looks like in the last 50 years we, myself included, have become solitary sloth. I am at a computer. I can hear people around me, I know for a fact that there are at least four people within spitting distance but I haven’t said a word to three of them all day, I don’t even know one of them by name or even recognize her as we pass in the hall. She sits closest to me, of course.

The situation I’m talking about is the world economy. I don’t have a real job at the moment. I work between 60 and 70 hours a week but I’m pretty sure I’m still living below the poverty line, which while living in the richest county in America is not all that much fun. Looking for a real job has me terrified, I’m not qualified enough for anything, or so I’m convinced. But part of my fear is my appearance, if my totally alright academic background and my long history and retail won’t scare potential job opportunities off, my size 12 pants and flat hair might. We won’t even talk about how cruel stress is to my skin. They— as elusive as they are— are always reminding us that appearance do matter, but how many 300 pound unbathed slobs are there applying for the same jobs as me?

So I’ve decided. I’m going to beat them at their game and become a size 6. My hair will fall victim to some product or another before I chop it all off at some point but by Jan. 1, 2011, I’m going to be able to put a pair of size 6 jeans on and walk in them.

I’m also going to start dating people (guys, to be clear, but if I say “I’m going to start dating men” it sounds like I’ve been dating women). Who and when are still up in the air. I highly doubt my work schedule will make this quest any easier but I’m going for it (and I’m thinking decision 1 will probably help here).

And yes I’m being reactionary. But if you think about it both are going to be positive changes. I’m not entirely happy about putting clothes on at the moment so that change has been a while coming and pining after someone who supposedly cares for me but forgets to talk to me has to stop.

I hereby declare that this year things are going to be different.

Fuck you college graduation for screwing with the grand plan!

A Quick Thought.

I don't understand what's going on but I'm going with it. Maybe later I'll link the podcast— not that its going to be all that exciting, at least not to non-aeroplane buffs such as myself.

And my nose hurts very badly.

The Lunch Hour Computer Time

I don't spend that much time on the computer surfing and what not, but during my lunch hour I'm not sure what else to do. Today I learned a few things, I should have made college drag on as long as possible (second degree anyone?) and, relating back to that, there aren't that many jobs to be had just floating around waiting for me to find and snatch up (I also learned that one of the girls I went to high school with is getting married over spring break, and that Martha Stewart is vying for Oprah's spot as world dominator but that's fairly irrelevant).

I'm a bit sick thinking about this right now, the job thing not the wedding or the almighty Martha, my internship is up in about three weeks and then its back to the Ann Taylor* for a bit. I might not make it. I need real life stimulation and sizing racks and doing send sales just don't cut it.

I'm very aware that my financial situation will not hold if I don't find a real job real soon, I mean my three jobs combined last year didn't even make me $10,000, not even close actually but there is enough money out there with my name on it that I don't get a tax refund this year... thanks again Ann Taylor*, Bitch.

But mind and money aside I need a job for another reason, and this one is not the usual: I'm stagnating. I live with my mom, in a room that is not my own, I drive a car every day to and from work and between my two jobs. I go to a gym where I'm sure any second I'm going to raped or murdered by the creeps that work out there. I don't have a social life because I'm working seven days a week and three or four of those days are 14 or so hours long, not to mention my friends are still in school. I could make new friends, yes, but that would me branching out past working every Friday and Saturday night like that's the kind of life I want to live.

I have considered other options, Peace Corps and missionary work and such but I'm not cool enough or crazy enough for either respectively. I can't afford to go back to school, I can't go back to London because my U.S. passport hinders the job search. And I'm not fit enough to strip.

What do I do with my life?

And Lunch is over.

*Ann Taylor doesn't like the use of the company's name in the social networking/new media world. But Ann Taylor can suck it because when they were trying to keep their heads above water during this here financial crisis they cut my pay by $2 an hour. I'm sorry Ann Taylor but if you want me to respect the company online the company could work a little bit harder to respect me. Suck it.