Thank You Postmodernism

Given the current situation its tough to say when this whole spinning out of control is going to finish up. For me, quite frankly, spinning is a natural state, but when everyone is sitting around staring at their hands wondering I can’t stand being a part of it. I don’t like idleness and I don’t like loneliness but it looks like in the last 50 years we, myself included, have become solitary sloth. I am at a computer. I can hear people around me, I know for a fact that there are at least four people within spitting distance but I haven’t said a word to three of them all day, I don’t even know one of them by name or even recognize her as we pass in the hall. She sits closest to me, of course.

The situation I’m talking about is the world economy. I don’t have a real job at the moment. I work between 60 and 70 hours a week but I’m pretty sure I’m still living below the poverty line, which while living in the richest county in America is not all that much fun. Looking for a real job has me terrified, I’m not qualified enough for anything, or so I’m convinced. But part of my fear is my appearance, if my totally alright academic background and my long history and retail won’t scare potential job opportunities off, my size 12 pants and flat hair might. We won’t even talk about how cruel stress is to my skin. They— as elusive as they are— are always reminding us that appearance do matter, but how many 300 pound unbathed slobs are there applying for the same jobs as me?

So I’ve decided. I’m going to beat them at their game and become a size 6. My hair will fall victim to some product or another before I chop it all off at some point but by Jan. 1, 2011, I’m going to be able to put a pair of size 6 jeans on and walk in them.

I’m also going to start dating people (guys, to be clear, but if I say “I’m going to start dating men” it sounds like I’ve been dating women). Who and when are still up in the air. I highly doubt my work schedule will make this quest any easier but I’m going for it (and I’m thinking decision 1 will probably help here).

And yes I’m being reactionary. But if you think about it both are going to be positive changes. I’m not entirely happy about putting clothes on at the moment so that change has been a while coming and pining after someone who supposedly cares for me but forgets to talk to me has to stop.

I hereby declare that this year things are going to be different.

Fuck you college graduation for screwing with the grand plan!