Haircut

Today I am going to get a haircut. I am excited and frightened. I'm going to have to go somewhere other than my usual place because I'm running low on fundage so thats the frightening thing. And last time I did that I cried for days, but getting my hair cut sometimes does that to me.

Wish me luck!

The Old Mind is a Slippin'

So I'm not old. But my mind is just plain exhausted (I need to learn to spell that word, and experience [which is just spelled right on my own for the first time, ever]). I'm having bizarre nightmares. Like my unborn child (in the dream) burned my hair off my head and I had to get the rest of it cut off. For those of you who don't know I'm going through a balding period. I was wearing my bangs straight down, I was deciding if I needed a haircut the other day and was messing with my bangs, I can't wear them straight down any longer because I have two major holes in my hairline. Balding periods suck, and apparently I'm having anxiety of this one.

Anyhow, my anxious mind thought of two very clever things in the course of the day for me to write to you about. I have since forgotten. I just remember thinking that you would have enjoyed them.

Also, I have a brain tumor, self-diagnosed. I keep having strange tingling on my scalp and shoulder. Same two places, so I know it must be corresponding places in my brain. I thought about plotting  my symptoms into WebMD but come on, I wanted to be a doctor at one point, I know what I'm talking about: Something clever.

Hair

My hair has been the bane of my existence and the highlight of my vanity for forever. And today (this is not the first today either) I wanted it all gone. I want it chopped off, poof gone. But I didn't because everyone told me no, it'll make your face look fat, and your head look big and blah blah blah. So instead I ended up with bangs, they hang straight down into my eyes gradually getting longer as they get farther from the center point of my face and "frame my face." The points of the long parts point to my chin after laying across my cheeks. Everyone raves about how good it looks but I'm more adamant about cutting it all off, except now I can't because it's too short in the front.

For the past 23 years I've been told by every adult I've encountered to get the hair out of my face. My grandmother has gone as far as buying barrettes and bobby pins while we were out for the day to keep it pinned back. My mother yells at me to fix it. So now my hair can only hang in my eyes and it apparently looks good, Its touching my eye lashes, and my cheeks, how is this good?

The other complaint I've gotten for the majority of my life is to keep my hands off my face, its a bit of a neurosis for me, it has a name and its a normal coping mechanism for fatigue and stress, its all about reassuring yourself. I live a life where I need to cope apparently and am constantly making sure my face is still attached to my body but it also causes the occasional (haha) breakout. Now my hair, laden with mousse and serum is laying on my face, tickling it and irritating my eyes, tomorrow I'll have a brand new break out to contend with not to mention the stress hives that seem to be getting worse instead of better.

I don't think people understand why I'm so upset, the haircut looks nice, but its not me. Actually it belongs to Rachel McAdams in Morning Glory, or at least the previews on TV. And, for fuck sake, they tell her in those previews that her hair is a problem so why do I want this haircut?

But beyond the fact that I hate it touching my face and I can't see through it, I now have monochromatic hair. I have never had monochromatic hair. My hair has been delightful enough to highlight naturally and hold onto its color palate through the winter but all of the lighter highlights have been cut out of my hair, no more front streak, it's all drab dirty blond.

And if another person says it looks good with my shoes I'm going to scream. I only wear these shoes a few times a month so how does it help me?

Maybe I'll grow to like it. I can't do anything about it now, but please stop telling me it looks good and you don't understand the problem. If you like it so much go cut five inches off your hair and then cut feathered bangs into it. I don't have to like it because you do.