To Do

As my crazies fade a bit I'm faced with a need for a plan of action. This task is enough to throw me back into the throes of depression but fear not good friends I shall persevere, and probably take out my frustrations in small acts of road rage.

My brother called me today, asking me about where to put your cover letter when sending a resume via email. I giggled a little (it's all I could muster, my innards hurt from vomiting for 24 of the last 38 hours), he was asking my advice on something that I can't get anywhere on myself. I'm super happy to help but my God ask the right person! I'm trying not to weep over my most recent rejection letter but you know how it goes.

Anyhow, I need to get my ass in gear. I'm going to read some good books.

Reread:
1. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
2. The Descrete Pleasures of Rejection
3. The Poisonwood Bible
4. Lolita
5. A Time To Kill

Read:
1. Jane Eyre
2. Catcher in the Rye
3. Catch 22
4. Slaughterhouse-Five
5. Brideshead Revisited

I'm going to apply to a few schools, vomit over application fees but apply none the less.

I'm going to start buying things that I need, a computer, going out clothes, navy shoes, underthings.

I'm going to get my bangs trimmed and whiten the teeth.

I'm going to make new friends. I'm serious, new friends, where I'll find them I do not know.

I'm going to do things. See things.

I'm going to live.

I've spent this whole year wasting time and now that I've had a complete and disguesting breakdown it's time to change everything.

Winter Weather

I work two pairs of pants yesterday. Its not even that cold but its getting to me. I'm not into putting on a heavy coat just yet, I can barely remember to wear shoes other than flip-flop let alone taking gloves and a hat just in case.

They've taken snow out of the forecast for where I live so I'm going to just dive right in (Sorry, Nora you thought I was visiting for your birthday) I'm heading to a place that has a high chance of accumulating, if only a half inch, some snow today. I'm taking my coat, even though I'm not sure I can bear to put it on, and boots but not snow boots.

Wish me luck!

A Sigh of Something Like Relief

This week isn't shaping up so badly. The shoulder is killing me but it could also be a thousand times worse, I can still use my right arm but am somewhat restricted to how high I can lift things, and my hand keeps shifting from numb to achy, and don't even suggest a visit to an MD. I'll live with a bit of rest, good thing I have this weekend off.

Speaking of the weekend off, I'm going to a college party tomorrow night. I'm not entirely sure what to wear; I have always found this whole trendy/slutty/cute thing to be very elusive. I think it has something to do with having an ample bosom at a young age. I spent forever hiding the girls and now I don't have a damned thing to show them off in. Most of my clothes are for work any way, not that I have a real job the requires real work clothes (Girl Scouts, always prepared for the future that we planned for to come to fruition). I have good shoes for this party. I could wear jeans but the top thing is still a problem. What has happened to my wardrobe?

Also what is with the dry skin thing that happens this time of year? I'm itchy and my itching hand is attached to my bad shoulder by an arm. I'm going to have to gain some dexterity in my left hand if I'm going to survive the next week. I can barely drive my automatic transmission vehicle with just my left hand, maybe they have helping-hand dogs and I can barrow one until I regain full range of motion?

Sorry Mommy

My mom read a recent post while she was at work. I'm in trouble for saying the eff word on the computer.
Sorry. I shall try to curb my potty mouth.

I Choose to Believe I am Unbreakable

Yesterday I killed my shoulder. I'll be holding a memorial for it today at work where I'll be spending eight hours slinging boxes and heaving piles of hanging things. You're welcome to join me, though, they probably won't pay you as well as they pay me!

Goodbye shoulder strength. Goodbye shoulder.

THE Journey

I am one of the Three Wisemans (ahahahahaha) and Christmas is coming. My sisters and I are gearing up for our annual journey. This year's journey was planned over the Thanksgiving holiday, I think my sisters are going along with my suggestions to appease me but in a way I appreciate it.

As the usual we'll leave on the 25th. We'll follow the star until we get there hand over our gifts and then go on our merry ways, at which point we'll probably divide up for sanity reasons but none of us will return home right away. You know, things to do, people to see.

The biggest issue I'm having is gift shopping. Gold is expensive, today is a time when I'd rather have stock in gold than have to buy a lump of it for a child. My sisters will have to find their own gifts because I'm currently hunting for transportation. I was thinking camels but camels are hard to come by in these parts and it's fucking cold, I have a hunch that camels aren't super into cold weather. I could filtch a donkey from down the way but that would kind of work against the pricipals of THE journey, wouldn't it?

If you have any suggestions as to where I can find cheap gold let me know? How about some camels?

I think we may need a guide and a chaparoen as well. Volunteers?

Meds

While in an unrelated discussion one of my friends mentioned that while she was taking the meds that I am currently taking she went nuts. It got me thinking, could my meds (which I don't need to live, but prefer not having to live with not having them) be part, probably not all, of my crazies?

It's an idea that hadn't crossed my mind, it makes sense, but after nearly ten years taking them (that number is frightening) why now? Or really why not just October and February which are the months I usually catch the crazies.

To all the folks who keep talking about the horrors of this new medical reform just remember I cannot go to a doctor to change my meds because I don't have insurance or the $200 give or take that it would cost to do so uninsured, but if my medication is part of my problem I run the risk of glassing someone, wrecking my car into pedestrians and walking out on my job. If I do any of these three things I run the risk of harming myself in the process (the deer are trying very hard to harm me) I'll actually cost you more as a tax payer because I'm not only uninsured, I'm underemployed, and would not be expected to foot my bill because well I'd starve to death if I had to pay for more than a doctors visit for a simple illness.

Ok, well that got a little heavy. It's sort of a response to the shit I get from the people I work with, I am scum to them for not having health insurance. They are scum to me, living on maxed out credit cards, strumpeting around and spending their miserable lives bitching about everything there is to bitch about (you ladies know who you are).

I am not going to run anyone over, not intentionally anyhow you pedestrians need to wear lighter colors when crossing three lanes of traffic before dawn. I won't harm myself either, I think talking about the crazies worries people. Come January I'm going to the doctor, I'm going to the dentist and I'm buy contacts, the one pair I have has lasted too long as is. I'm also going to refill all my prescriptions. And when January rolls around after my appointments and all, I'm going to change shit. I don't know how but I will.