Gym Talk

Yesterday, being that it was a day of the week, I spent a bit of time at the gym. And seeing as I have become a major space cadet I left my iPod attached to my mother's computer pretending to charge.  The music was barely toreralbe so I took to listening to people's conversations when I couldn't stay focused on the Sex in the City marathon happening on the cardio equipment tubes.

Now this is not a funny story I'm about to tell you. Funny would be nice and all but eavesdropping on the after-work-workouters is an eye opening.

I was on a bike wondering if my feet would ever regain feeling when I over heard a couple. Their converstaion went like this:

Woman: Olga (names have been changed to protect the individuals privacy and I cannot remember said names) was like "We're having a baby boy!" and she put the ultrasound picture on facebook.

Man: I did that with my colonoscopy. I was like look at my polyp, isn't it cute?

Woman: And my ex commented. Did you see?

Man: Your friends have an opinion on how I feel about you.

Woman: You should see, he commented on Olga's baby picture. Fucking bastard.

So this couple, who I've seen several times, and are in fact a couple, are in what I estimate to be in their mid to late forties. The woman is German. The man America. Both of them childless. Both of them bitter.

Last time I checked sono pics of the unborn spawn are an appropriate (for this day and age) way to share your excitement over the developing fetus with family, friends and who ever else happens to be your friend on facebook.

Comparing a sono of a baby to a scope taken through the behind of a middle aged man is inappropriate. First of all, I'm within ear shot. Second of all, sorry about your impending bum cancer but it isn't helping your stressed and depressed girlfriends biological clock so shut it the fuck down and take it home where she can be a crazed menopausal lady wanting babies without you comparing this need to having your tush scoped.

I have a bit of social anxiety. Mostly I don't like people I don't know being overly sharey with their biological issues (I also don't like people talking to me when I am in some state of undress so when I'm changing as discreetly as possible in the locker room do not make eye contact with me or try to start a converstaion.) There is a time and a place to have your middle aged (and/or quarter life) melt downs, the gym at its busiest point is not one of those times.

I got off the bike before I could feel my feet. I was a bit put off by how unguarded these people were. Everyone else I eavesdropped on was normalish, you know the "how's Bob, you guys should have dinner with us some time soon!" A bit of cheery chatter and the hilarious "slut" after the enthusiastic inviter walks away. There was tons of man talk. I don't always understand what gyms do to men because I can't understand most of what they say while working out. There were the workout buddies chatting mindlessly so they didn't have to pay attention to what they were actually doing, because some days running on a treadmill in public hurts enough, you don't need to focus on it.

So what I'm getting at is... don't say too much in public places. The gym is not your living room. There are no sound barriers that keep me and everyone else from hearing you.