Job Hunting

It has been more than a week since I put some serious effort into looking for a job. I like to pretend that it's because I've had a bit of positive feed back but in reality its much closer to the rejection I've suffer combined with an entire years worth of failure falling onto my shoulders and this week I feel like giving up.

I've had a couple of freak outs in the past year, I was talked down from a ledge (figurative, but I'm ready to take it out on my hair again) and am considering going to back to school, not because I've paid off the original degree but because if I do enroll as a full time student the loans will be deferred. I've started drinking coffee like its water and stopped drinking water. I was running between five and 12 miles a day at the beginning of this year, now I'm doing a lazy four every couple of days (lazy because I walk about half of it).

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do at this point, I lack connections, I'm not the pretty girl who can waltz into an office and bat my lashes into a full time job that seems relevant to what I want to do. I was told this year that it would be better for me if I were the type of girl who giggled and smiled all the time, and while I'm sure I'd see a change in people's attitude toward me I wouldn't be happy because I'm just not that girl, she has her place and I'm here to balance her enthusiasm out.

I just need a big fat change. Until then I'll just have to play pretend and hope that the world comes around for me.