A Note to the Mailman

I'm sure I shouldn't have to write this, hell, the fact that I am means that I should probably do it formally and send it to the local postmaster but that would take planning and a bit of research, I'm not into that today. But note that my earlier post today was done in haste, I've got a lot to do and not a lot of time, but this, this is something that had I been to my mailbox before I had posted would have fit in nicely with the title.

Dear Mr. Mailman (whose name I think is Dan),
     I want to thank you for delivering all the awesome junk that you deliver everyday (kind of). I love the pay stubs and mass quantities of duplicate Victoria's Secret catalogs, I love the adverts and the poorly written and considerably poorerly (I know) edited weekly local papers. I love those papers so much I read them and correct the spelling, grammar and syntax as I go. I know, I know I should have gotten the mail on Saturday when you left it in the box but at the moment with the spotlighting I'm not particularly comfortable walking to the mailbox in the dark. So today, Monday, I went to get Saturday's mail and upon opening the box find the more reputable local paper covered in blood.
     If you ever find yourself bleeding again while delivering mail, DO NOT WIPE YOUR BLEEDING FINGER ON THE MAIL, that is why God made clothing.
    You are disgusting. I do not know why you would think this is even remotely ok. I do sincerely hope there isn't a next time because instead of chucking the paper then I will return to your work places with it and hand it over to your boss insisting that for my safety you be fired. It might not be fair but normal people don't do things like that.

Thank you for your new appreciation for hygiene,
Megan